Capitaan dildo arrescate!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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