How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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