I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
