Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
