if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
