Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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