i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
