i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
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Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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