I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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