I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize