hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
