dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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