I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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