I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
