Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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