So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
