A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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