i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
