Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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