I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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