I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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