my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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