u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
