k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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