dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
