i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
