I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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