so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I deserve this hangover.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
