Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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