I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
