mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
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you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
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I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
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