I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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