I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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