in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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