i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
