So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
