I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
