I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
