Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
