So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i will never coherently bang her
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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