Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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