And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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