Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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