I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
