he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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