I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
