All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
