What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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