the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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