someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
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The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
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If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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