Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
