Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You're my little dorito
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
