Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
