If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
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Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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