My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
