remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
