Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
