quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
