I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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