I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
