I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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