GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
