Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
