By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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