Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I want to have your abortion
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
