turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
