i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
